This is a very difficult time in my life. My oldest son, my firstborn baby, just turned 18 in August. Over the past few years, we went thru the normal things parents and teens deal with. Nothing major though and I really can't complain. He graduated from High School in June and has been looking for a job since then. In August we found out that his girlfriend is pregnant. So, with no job, a baby on the way, and no money for college we decided to go talk to an Army recruiter and find out what they can offer him. After weeks of thinking things thru, he decided to join. So now, it's official. He belongs to the Army. He went yesterday and had a physical and completed a ton of paperwork. My baby will be leaving for basic training on November 12! That is only 21 days from now. I can't really believe it. A part of me wants to hold on to him and tell him not to go. I won't even be able to go along with him on his first airplane ride and I know he is nervous about that. What happened to my sweet little baby boy who couldn't watch Beauty and the Beast without being cuddled up next to me and then falling asleep half way thru the movie? My little Ninja Turtle, Power Ranger, Bambi loving boy...where is he? Then guilt, so much guilt is eating away at me. Was I a good enough mom to him? Will he ever forgive me for doing things that weren't so smart? Have my mistakes ruined his whole life? Am I a good mom for even suggesting the Army? Isn't he too young to be out there in the world alone? Does he really know that I love him? It's all too much. But, one thing I do know for sure and without a doubt, is that I am so PROUD of him for making this extremely difficult decision. He wants to take care of his baby and he wants to marry his girlfriend and take care of her too. I know plenty of grown men who would not step into his shoes and join the military in order to provide for a family. I know my son is no longer a baby. He is a soon to be Army soldier, dad and husband. But to me, he will always be my baby. He is who first made me a mother, and it is because of him that I have always tried hard to be the best person I could be. All I can say now is "I love you so much son. I am so proud of you".
IT'S NOT INSTANT OATMEAL!
8 years ago
5 comments:
Oh Crystal I had tears in my eyes reading this, sounds to me like you have done a great job bringing up your son and I wish him all the very best with everything life will bring his way and you should be a very proud Mom.......Chris xxxx
Hi, I'm Simona. I just popped by and read your post... and cried. I'm not a mum, though I'd love to, and never give up hope, but I think you've been great and very strong to take these difficults steps, and your baby, pardon, grown-up son has to be very proud of his mom!
Take care, all of you.
All the best.
Dear Simona
Thank you for writing. I really appreciate it. It is a difficult time for me right now and any support is greatly welcomed! I hope that you too will be blessed with being a mother, if that is what you want. It is wonderful and extrememly difficult at times. But well worth it all.
Big hugs hon,
crystal
Oh Crystal, I know that ache you are feeling right now. My son left October 19 for boot camp. One minute you will be fine and then you see his favorite food ( hot pockets make me cry!! ) or his sock between the sofa cushions and you will fall apart again. No one said it was going to hurt so much to let them grow up. I think labor was easier! I'm here for you. I understand the pride, the loss, the joy and the guilt you are feeling. Hug those babies real tight.
Kathie,
Thank you for the comment. It helps knowing that other people understand. You are absolutely right about no one saying how much this would hurt. Labor was definitely easier! I truly appreciate the support from you.
Hugs
crystal
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